Ummm...anyone got a soapbox?

Here at The University, students spend countless hours and sleepless nights pondering answers and seeking explanations to their burning questions and concerns about the school. Luckily, the administration has coordinated a heroic effort to help these students rest at ease: "The Coffeehouse with President." Once a quarter, the much hyped, campus-wide event draws about 17 people who toss out some of the most heated topics with which any university has ever dealt ("Why is Professor Johns getting three alumni magazines? That's ridiculous!"), all while those in attendance dine upon pseudo-handcrafted baked goods, store bought lemonade, and stale coffee. Yum. President does his best to answer these questions as long-windedly as possible and, if it's not in his area of expertise, he hands it off to another member of the administration who does an equally good job answering a Yes-or-No question in about 15 minutes. Apparently, I'm not the only one who knows that the longer you take to explain something, the more people will believe what you just said.

I went to my second one of these gatherings last night with Jeff, a fellow fraternity member. Jeff is known for his ability to find loop-holes in anything and everything. He's the kind of guy that stirs the pot not because he doesn't want the soup to scald, but because it can and should be stirred. He doesn't like soup though, so that analogy was poor. My bad. Anyway, Jeff and I always sit in amazement as the members of the administration dance around questions that actually mean something, might affect people's college lives, or have answers said people would not want to hear. Tonight, a random kid asked if President had anything to say about Greek life. Infamously in the Greek community at the University, his response always boils down to the phrase "I'm not anti-Greek." Speaking from experience, he's sure as hell isn't pro-Greek either. Sure enough, President went on a tangent about how the purpose of the Greek community has changed from when he was in school (The Greek Community is pointless), we are known as booze house (we give the campus a bad name), and, even so, he is not "anti-Greek (hmmm, never heard that before)."

One thing struck me though, and that was when he said, in response to claims that Greeks are treated unfairly especially when it comes to alcohol, "Greeks can't have a different standard." This set me on fire. However, by the time I was about to challenge his statement, the only people left were those balls deep in President and just think he's an ethical, cute old man who is an avid jogger. Aww.

I, however, see through his shit. If I did have a question tonight, it would have gone something like this:

"Yeah, I have a question. Dr. President, you mentioned earlier that Greeks 'can't have a different standard.' That is horse shit. You know we do, and, in fact, it is that we are held--unfairly--to a higher, nonsensical standard."

Here, he would somehow try to qualify what he said, and try to spin the standard to be a good thing, or something we should relish in or be proud of. That's when I chime back:

"But, you know that is completely false. You even said that the alcohol problem lies in the fact the underagers are served alcohol in our house, which coincidentally is an untrue statement. Even if it wasn't, you wouldn't know because that's not what you, your administration, and rules are about. They are all about living some impossible, perfectly moral fantasy you have built in your head, the only place that idea could ever exist. Every time we at Sigma Pi were "caught partying," a term I use loosely, it was for under three cases of beer (not hard alcohol). Even if we were serving underagers, which we were not, you, again, wouldn't know, because the uebermensch security officers your administration hired don't check I.D.'s; they just see some beer and assume there is a party.

You don't think that's true, that your officers and administrators don't use and exhibit the discretion and professionalism you try to act like they do in their jobs? That's funny, because last Halloween, one empty--yes, empty--beer can was found on our drinking fountain right next to our trash can. Furthermore, the can was claimed by an alumnus, who obviously does not go to the school. However, security wrote a report, and we were put on social probation, the same punishment one would receive for throwing a 50 case party with 200 people. Back to your idea that we 'can't be held to a different standard.' We are. We got caught with that beer can, and the entire fraternity which has existed for over 95 years was put in jeopardy. However, if that can was found in the dorms, nothing happens. Surely, the residents of the hall don't get punished, and definitely not the R.A.'s. If anyone does get punished, it is an individual. Fraternity house: everyone. Dorm: someone. If that isn't a double standard, I don't know what is."

Then I'd sit down. What his response would be, I do not know. It'd probably be long-winded and end with me being escorted off campus by police. Who knows, maybe someday I'll get some balls and ask.

I mean, I'm just sayin',
Pelton