"Dolla...Dolla...Bills, Ya'll."
Before you feed me some typical, sentence interrupting response in the vein of "You're a wigger" or "You're penis is way to small for you to be acting like you're black" or "I'm a pretentious whore who has way too much self-confidence given my looks and reputation," let me get a few more words in. There are three things you should know about me:
One: I like drugs.
Two: I like money.
Three: I don't care what you think, asshole.
Since you've come to my blog to have your ovaries rocked by funny stories, intriguing analyses of the human condition, and my stalwart air of course yet cushiony machismo and overt sexuality, I figured I'd say "blow me" for once and write about something else that's as awesome as I.
No. No, I'm not. Though it is true, and I do indeed have a hefty appreciation and affinity for green of all varieties, textures, and weights, I thought I'd write about something else fucking awesome, the HBO series "Eastbound & Down." In case you've never been able to experience the woundrous spectacle that is "Eastbound & Down," let me give you a little taste of what the deal is. Danny McBride plays a former--and once dominant-- MLB pitcher named Kenny Powers, who, after his career goes off the deep end, is forced to return to his home town and take a job teaching Phys. Ed. at his former middle school. Here, he is forced to encounter his ex-girl friend, April Buchannon, and her happy-go-lucky fiance, Principal Terrence Cutler.
Now, instead of giving you some bullshit review about how the show is raunchy, yet retains its dignity in its simplicity and heart, I'm just gonna lay some quotes down on your ass.
"I don’t mean to break up the fun here, but I just saw two boys raping a
sixth grader…Just kidding."
"I’m the man with the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I’m better than everyone else in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone."
"Listen here, you beautiful bitch. I'm about to fuck you up with some truth."
"I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali, gettin' drunk on the reg', good times on the reg', yachts on the reg', sex on the reg'...”
"[Visa] Gold might get you tickets to the Jonas Brothers; [Visa] Black will get all three of them sucking your dick!"
"If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe you just suck."
"The fastest way to a woman’s heart is through her bra."
"This is a real job. It aint like teachin kids, I can’t just get fucked up"
[to Principal Cutler when he tellsKenny he's a triathlete]: "I play a real sport for real men, not trying to be the best at fucking exercising."
"I’m gonna buttfuck this party.
"I've got an arm like a cannon, a cock like a python, and the mind of a scientist."
"How about I finger you with my penis?"
"Fundamentals are just a crutch for the talentless."
"You're fucking out!"
Ok. I'm tired of writing quotes. Just watch the fucking show.
I mean, I'm just sayin',
Pelton
Before you feed me some typical, sentence interrupting response in the vein of "You're a wigger" or "You're penis is way to small for you to be acting like you're black" or "I'm a pretentious whore who has way too much self-confidence given my looks and reputation," let me get a few more words in. There are three things you should know about me:
One: I like drugs.
Two: I like money.
Three: I don't care what you think, asshole.
Since you've come to my blog to have your ovaries rocked by funny stories, intriguing analyses of the human condition, and my stalwart air of course yet cushiony machismo and overt sexuality, I figured I'd say "blow me" for once and write about something else that's as awesome as I.
"'Drugs and Money?' Are you going to talk about how you're a pharmacy major and pharmacists make lots of money and handle lots of drugs?! *giggle-snort*"
No. No, I'm not. Though it is true, and I do indeed have a hefty appreciation and affinity for green of all varieties, textures, and weights, I thought I'd write about something else fucking awesome, the HBO series "Eastbound & Down." In case you've never been able to experience the woundrous spectacle that is "Eastbound & Down," let me give you a little taste of what the deal is. Danny McBride plays a former--and once dominant-- MLB pitcher named Kenny Powers, who, after his career goes off the deep end, is forced to return to his home town and take a job teaching Phys. Ed. at his former middle school. Here, he is forced to encounter his ex-girl friend, April Buchannon, and her happy-go-lucky fiance, Principal Terrence Cutler.
Now, instead of giving you some bullshit review about how the show is raunchy, yet retains its dignity in its simplicity and heart, I'm just gonna lay some quotes down on your ass.
"I don’t mean to break up the fun here, but I just saw two boys raping a
sixth grader…Just kidding."
"I’m the man with the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So that is why I’m better than everyone else in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone."
"Listen here, you beautiful bitch. I'm about to fuck you up with some truth."
"I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali, gettin' drunk on the reg', good times on the reg', yachts on the reg', sex on the reg'...”
"[Visa] Gold might get you tickets to the Jonas Brothers; [Visa] Black will get all three of them sucking your dick!"
"If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe you just suck."
"The fastest way to a woman’s heart is through her bra."
"This is a real job. It aint like teachin kids, I can’t just get fucked up"
[to Principal Cutler when he tellsKenny he's a triathlete]: "I play a real sport for real men, not trying to be the best at fucking exercising."
"I’m gonna buttfuck this party.
"I've got an arm like a cannon, a cock like a python, and the mind of a scientist."
"How about I finger you with my penis?"
"Fundamentals are just a crutch for the talentless."
"You're fucking out!"
Ok. I'm tired of writing quotes. Just watch the fucking show.
I mean, I'm just sayin',
Pelton
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